The Desire to Leave it all Behind

There are days that I would love to just pack it up and leave it all behind me. Find a fresh start somewhere else. I believe this to be one of the side effects of several conditions.

Job – I am definitely not where I feel I should be career wise. I love most of the people I work with. We all have one, two or heck, three co-workers or managers we don’t get along with. But, with my Degree in Organizational Management, I feel that I am underemployed with skill sets. When you feel you aren’t meeting your standards, it’s hard to want to continue at your position. 

Personal – I’ve been divorced 10 years. I never thought I’d still be single this long. I’ve had relationships of course, but, nothing I felt a connection with. So, it makes me wonder. Is the guy for me in this area?  Should I expand my area to see who is out there. Not to be afraid to go out of my comfort zone.  Where I am in my personal life, I’ve discovered I’d rather live in a different type of environment. I live in an urban area right now. I’d prefer a more rural home life. 

DNA – Am I more like my father than I thought?  My father was a trucker when he was alive. He loved to travel. Couldn’t put roots down. He was a fun loving free spirit.  So, this begs the question. Is the feeling to just go, more genetics?

One day, I had a particularly rough day at work. I came home, pulled my suitcase out from my closet and opened it. I stared at this empty suitcase as if it could give me the answers that I desperately needed. The questions being, what did I want to do with my life. Where do I want to go. Do I want to stay here?

Airplane take me away

Then I realized, I have all the answers I need for right now. I couldn’t pack up and go because of my daughter. Whether she knows it or not, she needs her mother. So, I will stay, but, I won’t stay stagnant. I will move forward. I’ll enjoy life again. We have one life to live, right? I expect to start wracking up my travel points!

So, DNA be damned, I’m learning to love what I have, while expanding to love what I will have, ADL, (after daughter leaves).  When she goes off to college, her goal is Pepperdine University in Malibu, I’ll be able to focus on me.

Am I complaining?  Absolutely not!  I love my daughter.  I love my family and friends. I have so much to enjoy.  It just took me a little to realize what I have in the here and now.

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